"Retreat"

I remember the night
Your eyes went cold and dead.
I killed the woman I was
So I could keep you instead.

When the chips are down,
The coward shows his hand
And the game of Life
Can not go quite as planned.

Retreat, retreat,
Raise a white flag high.
Retreat from this war you've chosen
To wage between you and I.

I remember the fight -
I begged you not to go.
My loving tears rejected,
Your choice a heavy blow.

When the storm had passed,
The damage still remained
And the love we'd shared
Forevermore was strained.

I had another session with Daniel today. We're up to six songs total and it's only been a couple weeks since we began working together. I'm not sure if it's the actual song content or the mere act of creating music, but this process is turning into the catharsis of my life. Now that the whirlwind of being in Paris has died down a bit, I'm left with the reality. That sadness, combined with hours of singing beautiful melodies, has left me drained...not in a bad way...I feel like the sky after a storm has passed, fresh, clear, and of the most vibrant blue. Given the choice, I'd rather sing than cry. It's more productive, therapeutic...and doesn't fuck up my makeup.

Hey all!


In my musical quest, I am always seeking the true core of who I am as a writer and singer. Therefore, it is not unusual for me to change course mid-stream as a result of new discoveries. I know now that I am not destined to create an entire album of electronica, regardless of whether it suits my voice or not. A few electronic songs to license out for film and TV soundtracks? Absolutely. Fully committing to that genre as though it's "me"? No. Part of my original appeal - according to those who know me best - was the naked honesty and rawness of my voice and words. Removing that completely in order to complement a particular genre simply wasn't - and isn't - going to work for me. The solution?

Working one-on-one with a songwriter/producer here in L.A. who intuitively understands who I am as an artist and encourages me to trust my own instincts. Recording with 100% live instrumentation and arranging each song around the bare bones of my unusual melodies and lyrical content. Mutually behaving professionally and with faithful, consistent dedication to the project as a whole. It's a dream come true.

To finance the creation of my album, I take assignments as a promotional model for large companies in need of a smiling face to represent their products. The hours are long, but it is very satisfying to put those paychecks towards my ultimate goals, to feel self-sufficient and in control of my own destiny. I would rather bust my hump and have full creative power than sign my life away to a giant corporation that tries to force me into its pop-star mold. I know who I am. I love who I am. Take me or leave me.

Due to the meticulous process in which I'm bringing my songs to life, they won't be available immediately. It is quite possible that you won't hear them until the album is released. Please be patient. I promise that I am squeezing every drop of my heart and soul into this project, and therefore, it will be well-worth the wait.

It's very true that when one door closes, another opens...and then another...and another. I'm grateful that I have the sight to recognize them and the strong legs to carry me through! I finally, finally stumbled upon my most genuine, unique, authentic sound yet and I could almost cry with relief and gratitude. Thank you for continuing to accompany me on this wonderful journey!

Finally! At last! Tomorrow night, I'll be on a plane bound for Paris, where Luke and I will reunite after four long months of being apart. I am excited and nervous and full of anticipation. I should probably start packing!

Seattle was wonderful, but I underestimated how much I love California, how much I'd want to be near my family while Luke's in Afghanistan. So here I am. Collaboration with Scobra will (at least until he, too, returns to Cali) continue via the internet. I'm also open to working with talented producers and musicians in the greater Los Angeles area. Basically, I just want to make music non-stop. It is the only thing that makes me feel like "me" during this blatantly difficult time in my life.

It's done! And I'm beyond excited about its completion. Many thanks to the genius of Scobra, who brought my auditory vision to life. Share it, play it to death, et cetera. My lyrics are written below...

I've been listening to Scobra work on my newest song, 'Black Holes', for the last four hours! It's giving me chills. It's exciting to feel like a truly new, unique sound is being created...something that, quite possibly, has never been done before. I won't get too far ahead of myself, and it's terribly hard to be objective about my own work, but...I think this song's going to blow a lot of minds!

I have an ongoing contest on Facebook that's proving fun and beneficial. Basically, anyone who suggests my fan page to their friends and gets more than twenty people to join receives a free t-shirt. I ordered self-designed shirts for the first five winners...and was kind of disappointed when they arrived yesterday. The shading around my name all but obscured the letters, making it difficult to read. I was on the verge of sending them back to the company when another option occurred to me: DIY action. With my trusty metallic Sharpie, I carefully traced the letters in permanent silver ink and voila!


Pretty much did the trick, right? I hope my contest winners are pleased with the results!

Shit, I don't know. Yet, this is the most-asked question from friends, acquaintances, and curious strangers. The easiest answer is "Pop," an umbrella of negative-connotation that I hate to seek shelter beneath. To me, pop music is the ear-raping, factory-generated insult to my sanity that they wear out on KIIS FM and the like. More in-depth examination, however, reveals that some of my favorite artists of all time have been labeled with that same three-letter word. Basically, if it has two verses, a bridge, and a memorable chorus weaved throughout, it's considered Pop...regardless of whether the lyrics have substance or not.

Cat Stevens*, for instance, injected a depth into his songs that pretty much anyone in the world could connect and identify with. Unlike some of the rambling, whiny singer-songwriters out there, however, his choruses were clearly structured and instantly stuck in one's head (hence the term "hook"), making it attractive for radio play. More than merely being "music for the times," his songs are still played decades later, which makes them "timeless." When examined in that light, writing "popular music" doesn't seem like such a bad thing!

Be that as it may, the stigma attached to Pop is still an unattractive one, no thanks to Britney Spears, T-Pain, and (god help me) Ke$ha. I try to come up with names for my particular style that suit me without sounding vomitously pretentious, such as "Sultry Songs With Soul" or "Lyrical, Progressive Electronica"...which feels like a mouthful of bullshit that still doesn't add up to the sum of my parts.

"What kind of music do you play?"

"What's your style?"

"What genre would you say your music fits into?"

And there it is. They want to know where I fit in, how they can label me in a way that's easy to understand. Are we really that lazy? I have my own voice, my own style of writing, and musical arrangements that evolve stylistically based on who I work with. I am an old soul with a young spirit and an ageless dream...and that's precisely what my music sounds like.

"Pop," I reply, at a loss, "but not like that shit they're playing on the radio."

*For a quick lesson in Cat Stevens 101, rent 'Harold And Maude,' a brilliant film that found the perfect soundtrack.